Well, the release of the 'O' lvl results are out and I basically I missed the whole scenario at the hall juz now. But tts not the point here. I passed. Got an aggregate of 19 bt I felt jealous as eventhough they were others who gt points way higher than me, they got more choices! And its all bcoz I failed maths. Yea, I gt an E8. Sucks isn't it. Numbers, don't count me in.

And its getting frustrating for me by the min. Wait, I think my other 'me' is acting up now. Ok, NIE is the choice bt first I have to take the EPT then baru acceptance. God! I juz don't knw.. Although its good to have some pep talk wf Ms Sherina, my intellectual neighbour( she's a teacher), my former teacher who shares the same name as my mum, kawan dunia akhiratku Hafiz, they all have been very encouraging. Thanks. And Ain, if my results kinda disappoint u( i knw it is), Im sorry. I'll rmb ur quote fr life wch goes, "u can onLy fall so much. the deeper u fall, the higher u bounce back up. knwng u, i knw i've nthng to wrry abt. wf ur strength in character, i'm sure u'll recover in no time".

Man, there's so much gg on in my head rite now. "Stereotypes impedes success" is buzzing ard my head. Personally, Im nt tt disappointed wf my rslts, juz speechless. Hmms. Don't u knw tt I sometimes hv tis 'crazy' contemplating tghts? I once tght of asking my prnts to send me to a pesantren, blaja kt pondok, changing line when thngs juz don't go my way. Bt I knw avoiding won't work. Must take thngs in stride. Frustration. Ni tk blh, tu tk blh. I wanna go out lah seyh. Tis chickenpox kene bynk pantang, dh nk baik tu..yadayadayada.

Tis is catharsis fr me. The every secs Im typing out all these shits...God, I feel like crying bt no worries. I won't cry over worldly matters. To be honest, I feel so sinful at times.

When I cause anyone to weep, My mercy is aroused:
the one with tears drinks of My bounty.
If I don't wish to give,
then I don't show him the gift he desires;
but when I have contracted his heart with grief,
I open it with joy.
My mercy is dependent on that sincere weeping:
when he weeps, waves rise from the sea of My mercy.

- Mathnawi II: 373-375 Version by Camille and Kabir Helminski"Rumi: Daylight"Threshold Books, 1994Persian transliteration courtesy of Yahyá Monastra